Retarded Cow
by D. Morrissey
Summary: It's a Alucard crossover and every body from every anime comes in. Weird thing happens, and everything is very random.
1. No Free Bathroom

Retarded Cow

And so alucard stepped out of the room.

What was in the room you ask, well here i'll tell you as the narator, Seras Victoria.

"Once upon a time in the Hellsing mansion, Alucard the vampire of the mansion, well except Seras, had to go. Alucard ran around, and around but couldn't find a free bathroom. He searched through the place over and over. Eventually he decided to do things the hard way. He searched through the hellsing mansion for, as we all know Integra. He searched and searched, even though he had to go badly. He finally found her and asked, "may i use your bathroom." Integra looked at Alucard weird, never knowing till that moment that Alucard ever went to the bathroom, in the end integra said yes. And so concludes our story of And So Alucard Stepped Out of The Room."

"Seras," Alucard said glaring at Seras, "they didn't need to hear that story."

"Yes they did they need to know the truth about you," smiled Seras slowly heading for her gun, "especially the fan girls."

Alucard glared at Seras, then walked away.


	2. Smexy Hot Naruto

Retarded Cow

And Naruto came out of the room.

"And as your narrator I shall tell you the story of how Naruto Uzumaki and Alucard met one day. You're wondering who I am to be able to tell you such a story could be told as one such as me could say. Well my name Seras Victoria, and here with me to help tell the story is Sasuke Uchiha. So Sasuke tell me a little bit about the Kyuubi and Naruto Uzumaki."

"Well Naruto is stupid and idiotic, and very loud. He annoys the heck out of me and is my greatest rival, well next to Itachi. And I don't know anything about the kyuubi that is inside of Naruto."

"Well anything else about Naruto that you would like to tell me, Uchiha-san?"

"Yeah sure...he has the body of a sex god, but you didn't hear that from me."

"Okay, and I guess it's my turn to tell a little bit about Alucard. Alucard the silent, but kind vampire. Who sees the face of logic and understands that even as a vampire there is no reason to kill meaninglessly. He is so kind, and has such a nice body, I just love him.(Seras blushes, Sasuke looks at her funny)"

"Okay while she ogles the picture of Alucard-sama in her head we should get back to the story we were about to tell you. And so we go back to the story."

'And so as Naruto stepped out of the room he accidentally ran into one of the people who lived in the house. Alucard. Naruto now was slightly older I would say he was at least fifteen,(that means Sasuke is fifteen now too). Naruto looked up to see a quite annoyed Alucard. "Uh I didn't mean to do that...uh...don't hurt me," Naruto then started to apologize. "It's okay," Alucard had said to the slightly flustered Naruto. "Hey so why are you mad?" Naruto asked remembering how Alucard looked when he had bumped into him. "Ah well it's a long story...but it involves the police girl." "Oh well bye," Naruto said, suddenly remembering where he was going, "Oh yeah hey do you know where the shower is?" "Yeah, here I'll show you to the shower room," and Alucard walked off leading Naruto to the shower room. Then Naruto took his shower (Sasuke nosebleed) and wrapped a towel around his waist."

"Hey why are you two telling them that story?" Naruto asked his hair still wet from the shower, and with the towel around his waist, "Hey Sasuke is there something wrong?"

"Uh no" Seras answered for Sasuke who was ogling Naruto.

"Are you sure?" Naruto asked.

"Yes I'm fine," Sasuke answered himself this time, "you can leave now."

And leave Naruto did, and that was a story about Naruto Uzumaki and when he CAME OUT OF THE ROOM and met Alucard. And if you didn't know this, Alucard was also also ogling Naruto because Naruto is so cute.


	3. I Really LOVE Cheese

Retarded Cow

And so the little children stepped onto the bus.

"Hello my dear guests again," Seras said turning on the camera she had put on the bus, "today I shall tell you about Alucard's ride on the bus."

"And this is our guests for todays show," Seras said giving a list of people on the bus, "Hatake Kakashi the bus driver, Uchiha Sasuke, Uzumaki Naruto, Li Shaoran

Li Meilin, Kinimoto Sakura, Daidoji Tomoyo, Kurosaki Hisoka, Asato Tsuzuki, are all on the bus with Alucard-sama."

"And here with me today to help with the telling of the story, is Kerberos, the Guardian of the seal, and Yue, the Judge." (a/n imagine they are speaking in Japanese, I would have them speak in japanese with a note of what they said but I don't know enough japanese)

"I'm Kerberos, I'm strong brave and handsome," Kero said while he was still in his plush form, he posed in one of his macho poses.

"Right," Yue said, "now back to the story."

So every one stepped onto the bus, little Alucard stepping onto the bus the last.

After a while everyone, Alucard suddenly stood up. They looked up, wondering what Alucard was going to stay. Most of the time he just stayed silent, unless he had something important to say.

"I really LOVE cheese!" Alucard said suddenly.

"Dude WTF" every one said even Seras, Yue, and Kero.


	4. Freak

Retarded Cow

By: Kakashi-fangirl-of-the-jumping-neko-bean

"Hey Naruto," Alucard said waving to Naruto in the halls.

"Uh…do I know you?" Naruto asked with a puzzled expression on his face.

"What don't you remember the shower incident?" Alucard asked saddened that the sexy Naruto didn't remember him.

"Oh yeah!" Naruto said remembering Alucard, "I remember you, you're the one who showed me to the bathroom, and was standing right outside when I got out of the shower. Dude, why were you there?"

"Uh well…" Alucard paused for a second.

"Well dude forget it," Naruto said walking away muttering "freak" under his breath.


End file.
